@NICKIMINAJ: Wake up, barbz! Hope yew didn’t forget the BS is in NYC today ;)
@NICKIMINAJ: LMAOO 3 barb :) > RT @_NaeHeartsNICKI: HILLLL NO, HB!!! We just waitin on you to tell us the time and we. Are. THERE!
Nicki left twitter just as fast as she got there. She left to 9 Mil barbz spazzin over her baby shower. The venue she rented for it seated 600 comfortably, but she knew the barbz wouldn’t care about comfort.
“Safaree” she cooed into his ear.
“Yes, cutie?”
“GET YA LAZY ASS UP! I need my cake picked up for the barbz, hella food, and NO ALCHOHOL! My little buggs are gonna be there.”
“Nicki, you’ve recited that same chant since last week. Food is ready for pick up. Wayne got that. I’m goin’ to go get the cake while T takes you and the girls to get comfy before the animals get there.”
“About the “girls” have we gotten a name yet?”
“Yeah. You’ll find out when the barbz find out. At the shower.”
Nicki rolled her eyes and sat up in bed. Whatever, Safaree. I gotta get ready to see my BAYBEHS!”
Nicki hopped in the shower to get ready to go. While she was in the shower she kept hearing Safaree’s ringtone. It was like he had it on repeat. Nicki paid this no mind. She thought he simply DID have it on repeat. Why is he SO cocky? she thought as she heard him murder the beat on “I Aint Sleazy HOE” for about the 8thtime. Nicki hopped out the shower and admired her protruding belly in the mirror. She thought, I can NOT believe I’m pregnant. WITH TWIN GIRLS! Safaree went from Harajuku Hypeman to Harajuku baby daddy. Nicki giggled at the thought of Safaree being a father. She rolled her eyes as she realized he daughters would probably be coons right along with their father. Looking at the time Nicki thought it would make sense to take a nap before she goes to see her babies with bags under her eyes.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
SB strolled into the small bakery store and announced that he was there to get the cake.
“Sir... erm... Mr. Safaree we thank you SO much. $50,000 for a cake? We’re pleased and astonished at the same time”
“No, problem, ma’am. You have the best cake I’ve ever tasted and I only offered to pay that much because I wanna see your shop get off the ground.”
The small petite woman cried tears of gratefulness and 3 poorly dressed teens bought the cake out. It was HUGE so Safaree offered his helping hand. the oldest boy objected.
“Mister I got it. My mother was just about to close down the shop and you blessed us. We owe you FOREVER.”
“It’s nothing, buddy.”
Safaree was feeling really good about doing that and hopped in the car excited to get to the baby shower and set up before Nicki and T got there.
“Oh, shit!!!” He screamed
“Girl, how did you get in here??”
The girl shrugged her shoulders carelessly and simply said, “Don’t worry about it. I got in here didn’t I?? The real question is what’s good with you? You didn’t get any of my calls?”
“ I got em. And I’m changing my number. I don’t want anything to do with you or that baby. It’s NOT mine. The girl’s eyes welled up with tears and she couldn’t take it anymore.
“Safaree, he’s YOURS! Sorry to be a burden on you and your perfect life, but he’s my every and only thing now and he will have a father figure.”
Safaree felt bad for her but could not give in.
“Sure he’ll have one. Just not me. Now get the fuck out of my car.”
The girl rubbed the tears away and her sadness was replaced with undeniable hatred.
“Safaree Lloyd Samuels, welcome to war.”
She jumped out of the car and sped down the street.
Safaree sat in his car thinking, WTF!!!
Nicki rubbed her stomach through her Louboutin dress.. Ooh, babies don’t act up now. She looked at the clock on the wall one more time. 2:03.
“Okay, Safaree better hurry up!! My barbz wait for NO ONE!”
Just then Safaree, Wayne, and Drake came in carrying the humongous cake.
Nicki was in sooo much pain she didn’t even notice them. Safaree knelt down beside her and planted a big, wet, playful kiss on her forehead.
“Safaree, your lips better be clean! You know my barbz don’t like no dirty lip nigga!”
Wayne laughed and brought in the remaining food from all 5 of the cars.
“Why wouldn’t they be?” he whispered. Nicki rolled her eyes. “They had better be.” They engaged in a long, passionate kiss while Drake watched, awkward and envious.
The next 30 minutes practically flew by and at 3 on the dot they opened the door to about 750 barbz flooding the NYC streets. They burst through the doors their screams of joy piercing the air like little kids on a playground. Nicki’s eyes lit up and she was genuinely happy to see her barbz once again. She grabbed the pink mic and yelled “HAYYYYY BEW BEWZ!!” The barbz yelled back a chorus of different ratchet sayings. “Yall know I had to pull a hell of a lot of strings to do this right? Well… we only in here til about 5:30 because I have Grammy rehearsals at 7.” They weren’t too happy about that, but they could deal. “Anyway, Safaree take it away. The name for the twins please sir?”
“AIGHT. Wassup niggas. Monkey ass niggas. I was doin like 2000 pushups before we came here ya know. Don’t I look ripped??” The barbz cheered in agreement.
“Aight, well as you know, we havin some TWINS! As in TWO bad ass kids. And they’re both girls. Me, being Mr. Daddy, get to decide the names. I, the king, decided on Onika Faree Samuels and Onika Faree Samuels II.” He dropped the mic and the barbz died laughing. Nicki picked up the mic and said “Don’t start, Safaree!” the barbz got silent. “You know I’m not naming my babies that so you better have a plan B!”
“Fortunately I do! Amari De’nae and Avani Dion. Is that okay??”
Aww. Safaree you really know how to make me happy, Nicki thought. Terrence pulled SB to the side and whispered into his ear “we got problems”. SB walked outside and gasped in disbelief. He shook his head hoping it was just a bad nightmare but it wasn’t.
No comments:
Post a Comment